Sometimes you have to lower your expectations (re a relationship).

Originally posted in my Facebook notes

Monday, October 12, 2009

Sometimes, you have to accept the reality that this person is not
going to change, which in turn means that this relationship will
never get better.

As for me, if I have to choose between loving you and loving 
myself, I'm going to have to let you go, for I will intentionally
do myself no harm. Consistently placing myself in a negative
environment,

where I my hopes will be dashed upon the rocks of your
  callous words,

where I will cringe again and again under the glance of your
  evil eye, …

It makes no sense.

Someone said that doing the same thing again and again while
expecting a different outcome is a definition of insanity.
If that be so, can this be any less moronic.

Sometimes, it is better to use the exacto knife of choice to
sever your connection from the object of your heart's desire.

The imaginable or unimaginable pain that must result

must eventually give way

to healing

to restoration

to a restoration of the man or woman that you once were

before you gave your heart

to this brutish one

who was,

is,

and perhaps, no doubt, in the absence of divine intervention,

forevermore shall remain … [insert adjective(s) here]

No longer shall the venom of their words …

… humiliate you.

… cause you pain.

… crush your spirit.

Why remain in a "relationship" with one who is incapable of
supplying the barest minimum of what you need.

UNconditional LOVE

RESPECT

COURTESY

a SMILE

the occasional HUG

a GENTLE word

a TENDER embrace just because; for no reason;
with no expectation of something more

You don't have to wait until the new year to resolve to do that
which is …

RIGHT

MAKES SENSE

Maybe it's time / perhaps it's past time to PUT OUT THE TRASH.

I choose to distance myself from negative people

[grumblers, whiners, …

… idlers (though I have definitely done my share of this
-- especially in my first 3 years at university)].

It's time for a new year.

a new resolve

a positive outlook

a call to ACTION

NOBODY CAN DO IT FOR YOU.

Loving, caring, …, concerned friends will enCOURAGE you.

They will pray for you.

They may become frustrated by your consistently poor choices

and APPEAR to give up on you.

"Charity [Love] NEVER fails …"

TOUGH LOVE DOES "by any means necessary"
THAT WHICH SHE MUST DO

in order to produce the desired effect,

in order to initiate or create the CATALYST that will finally

AWAKEN your befuddled brain

so that you can look into the mirror of reality,

perhaps aided by the mirror of God's WORD …

… and see ever so briefly the heights from which you have fallen

or perhaps

… the depths to which you have sunken.

Look up.

Look out.

Step up.

Shape up.

Better to lose a finger than a hand.

Better to lose a car than your mind.

Better to walk away from that house

than to live the rest of your life as a mouse.

You are homo sapiens;

meant to walk erect.

intended to stand tall.

created in the image of God, an heir of the first Adam,
to exercise dominion over all the earth;

not for a MANTU [looks like, sounds like, but
does NOT behave like a man] to have dominion over you.

It's your life.

You gave it away.

Don't you think that it's time for you to take it back?

New Beginnings

Once again, I am at a point of transition in my life; actually multiple points of transition (in various areas).


Anchors are good things. People anchors can weigh you down, keep you from taking flight when you need to.

Anchors (including some unique people that God places in your life and mine, often at strategic moments) can help us to remain on an even keel, to refrain from going off on tangents, losing my/our focus and direction.

Ultimately, it is my responsibility to know my purpose and to ensure that my goals, plans and dreams (those that I responsibly pursue) are in alignment with my personal philosophy of life; with my "raison d'être." However, I believe that external accountability is not only a good thing; it is an essential thing.

At various points, at critical moments during my five plus decades, God has placed special people in my life. During my first two decades, it was usually a Sabbath school teacher, a school teacher, a professor a close family friend or an older brother or sister at church.

Often they were mentors, "a hand to guide me," as Denzel Washington would say. His book is a must read. If you have not already read it, you need to [in my opinion (and I have many of them)].

Washington, Denzel and Paisner, Daniel, A Hand to Guide Me: Legends and Leaders Celebrate the People Who Shaped Their Lives

ISBN - 10:0696230496
ISBN - 13:9780696230493

http://books.google.ca/books?id=ILdSeSY8FSQC&printsec=frontcover&dq=a+hand+to+guide+me&ei=oENLSryOL6SCywSViJiKDg&client=firefox-a
From the Publisher
In his debut as an author, Denzel Washington shares his personal story of the mentors who helped guide his life.
Washington pens the introduction for the stories of more than 70 of America’s leading personalities in theatre, sports, business, and politics as they tell their life-changing stories of mentorship.
Contributors include Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Antwone Fisher, Bonnie Raitt, Cal Ripken, Alex Rodriguez, Dick Vitale, Whoopie Goldberg and more.
A portion of the book’s proceeds benefit 4.5 million children currently involved in the "Boys & Girls Clubs of America."
From the Jacket
Denzel Washington started out far out far from the film world where he has become an American legend. He learned industriousness by running errands and brushing off clothes for patrons at a neighborhood barber shop. Today he is not only an Academy Award-winning actor, he is the national spokesperson for the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, to which he pledges his proceeds from this book.

In his dedication to youth, he has brought together six dozen people with treasured stories to share about the importance of guiding hands and role models when they were growing up.

Working with Denzel Washington and his notable collaborators, best-selling writer Daniel Paisner has helped them tell their powerful stories while staying true to their individual voices.

Now those voices join in the moving chorus of A Hand to Guide Me, a book that pays tribute to the love and generosity of people taking time to help one another, lifting one life at a time.


Remember, too, that we each have a responsibility to give back [pay it forward, some call it]. Were it not for the positive influence of ________ in my life, I would not be ...

... where I am right now.

... the man that I am today.


I have been blessed much more than many insofar as that my first mentors, two of my greatest mentors were/are James Daniel Bailey and Julia Isilda (née Davy) Bailey. My parents modeled many things for my sister and me.

Integrity
Honesty
Hard work and its reward
effective Financial management
Responsibility
good Citizenship
a Giving Spirit
Love
Kindness
how to Entertain others (hosting endless dinners for friends)
Unselfishness
Selflessness
Putting the needs of your children ahead of your own
[My mom worked nights until I was 14. I have no conscious memory of ever being at the babysitters]

...

The list is endless.

Denzel's book is beneficial to me but not as beneficial of having learned first hand from the Godly example of parents who neither "spared the rod" (when needed) nor "spoiled the child[ren]"

How could I forget to add the value of education to the list. As I said, the list is endless.

Even now, two and a half years after my dad passed away, I still hear the lessons he taught me; lessons that I was often guilty of ignoring (but no more -- usually).


I digressed. I'm blaming Denzel. I would tell him in person, was he here beside me.

New beginnings

Transition periods

Fresh beginnings

A time to refocus

Hopefully, by the grace of God, henceforth, wasted minutes, missed opportunities (relatively rare with me unless I am off on a mission), squandered words will be few.

Thank you CM.

Thank you Rick Warren for your book, The Purpose Driven Life

http://www.purposedrivenlife.com/en-US/Home/home.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Purpose_Driven_Life

John Maxwell, you're on my list. Your books on leadership are almost on deck.