Yoshi is a wise gentleman, who knows the importance of leading an active lifestyle.

I wrote this post to illustrate to my friend, Yoshi, the fact that anyone with an internet connection can write anything online. This is the reason why it is so important to get news from mainstream sources, which are frequently (but not always) more objective.

Yoshi is one of my inspirations at the YMCA; an older gentleman who is both intellectually sharp, physically active and extremely flexible.

Your attitude will determine how you thrive during covid-19 times.

When it’s 40 below zero, you don’t step outside wearing shorts, flip flops and a T-shirt. Rather, you prepare yourself appropriately to face the elements. Similarly, during this global pandemic, you and I need to arm ourselves appropriately so that we will be prepared to embrace the challenges that each new day brings. This is preferable to waking up every morning, trembling and fearful to leave the comfort, safety and security of your bed.

Optimism and Hope

Covid-19 is no match for this equally invisible duo. When you fortify your mind with optimism and hope, tempered with reality, in your mind’s eye, you will be facing covid-19 rather than cowering before the dreaded COVID-19.

Pessimism and fear

Pessimism and fear have the opposite impact on your psyche than the aforementioned dynamic duo. These two impostors create a psychological ripple effect that initiates a physiological downward spiral that has a deleterious impact on your immune system. In other words, your thought life renders your body either more susceptible or less vulnerable to that unseen villain, SARS-CoV-2.

In one of the four “Lethal Weapon” films, Detectives Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) and Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) come face to face with a growling, teeth baring Rottweiler. Murtaugh, fearful and intimidated, is ready to unleash a bullet from his revolver on the guard dog.

Optimism and a Plan

Riggs, on the other hand, without breaking eye contact with the Rottweiler, signals to his partner, Roger,  that he needs to lower his gun, which was still aimed directly at the dog (who was simply doing its job). Martin simultaneously holstered his own revolver (or handed it to his partner), got down on all fours, eye level with Mr. Rottweiler, then rotated his head to one side. This was immediately mirrored by the dog.  Riggs then rotated his head in the opposite direction. Once again, the dog immediately  mirrored Riggs' action.

A few seconds later, Riggs and the now retired guard dog were rolling around on the ground, playing together like old litter mates. Looking his former adversary directly in the eye without flinching, while removing the overt threat of his and his partner’s weapons, Riggs quickly defused a tense situation and converted his adversary into a lifelong ally.

Do not allow your apprehension or fear of covid-19 to bully you into submission.

Now think back to a time in your life when you were bullied. For those of us who quickly nipped the bullying in its infancy, before it could become a "new normal", there was, in my opinion, only one possible remedy. You had to look the bully directly in the eye, at very close range so that he or she could sense that you did not fear them and were willing to do battle with them, if necessary, right then and there.

Now I can hear the murmurs of some; particularly those who are fretful, fearful and pessimistic. I understand that my analogies have major flaws. Your criticisms are valid.

In "Pilgrim's Progress," John Bunyan’s character, Christian, walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death with great carefulness, during the pitch black of night, "with his sword drawn in his hand, for fear lest he should be assaulted."

At one point in the valley, perhaps similar to where all citizens of earth now find ourselves, he arrived at a place where "the flame and smoke would come out in such abundance, with sparks and hideous noises, (things that cared not for Christian’s sword, as did Apollyon before,) that he was forced to put up his sword, and betake himself to another weapon, called All-prayer."

We cannot look Covid-19 in the eye. Even if we could, it has no fear. This virulent, single minded, microscopic beast is singleminded in its purpose and function. It's "raison d'être" is to find an animal host and replicate itself.

Boldness, Confidence and Determination

When we fortify our minds with boldness, confidence and determination, coupled with the wisdom and common sense to keep a safe distance from other humans who reside outside of our bubble, we give ourselves and, in fact, humanity a fighting chance to survive.

We all need to continually marshal our available resources and implement effective strategies that will still our trembling hearts, quiet our troubled thoughts and give us peace. Our ability (or inability) to step up our game individually, unite with each other to combine our efforts and energy to combat our common foe, covid-19, will shape the future of humanity forever. Staying calm, remaining relaxed and able to function with some level of normalcy is possibly the greatest challenge that faces every man, woman, youth, boy and girl on planet earth on January 1st, 2021.

God Uses Creative Methods to Get Your Attention

Many pastors refer to God, the Holy Spirit, as the “Hound of Heaven.” God can, and will, use any and every means necessary to get your attention when you or I choose to ignore Him. Don’t even think about running away from Him.

The reach of the Almighty knows no bounds. God’s reach has no limitations. It is deeper than the deepest mine shaft, ocean or sea into which a man, woman or child can descend to work, for recreation or hoping to escape the vicissitudes of life.

It is higher than any human can fly. Not even the animated George Jetson, Superman or Superwoman could outfly the reach of the omnipresent, omniscient, all powerful Creator God. It would be like a daughter trying to hide in the 3-bedroom doll house that her loving earthly daddy designed and constructed for her, complete with hidden secret compartments like the house at Barteljoristraat 19 in Haarlem, Holland.

I can remember a day when God figuratively reached down and tapped me on my shoulder in order to get my attention. I was driving home from work, listening to my favourite radio station, WDCX 99.5 FM in Buffalo, New York. Its signal reaches across Lake Ontario to Toronto where I reside.

A new, almost magical musical creation by Bob Carlisle streamed across the air waves. The title was “Father’s Love.”

A few moments later, I was so convicted by God regarding my messed up priorities that I started to bawl like a toddler who had been gently and lovingly corrected by a loving father for his rebellious and defiant attitude, words and behaviour then pricked in his conscience at the moment where he realized the emotional hurt and pain that his daddy felt as a direct result of his willful insubordination.

When a child has a close emotional bond with his or her mom and/or dad, parental disapproval is the most keenly felt punishment that they can ever receive. It grieves the child to the core of their being. In that instant, they actually feel that mom or dad has stopped loving them.

It is extremely important that punishment is immediately followed by words of love and positive affirmation combined with appropriate physical touch (such as hug). This is necessary to inform the child that mom loves you unconditionally. I disliked your attitude, what you said or what you did but not for an instant did I stop loving and liking you. This message must come directly from the parent who administered the discipline (which should be verbal once a child is old enough to communicate).

“Stories from the Heart” was released in 1998; 22 years ago. I think that I was crying so hard that I had to pull off the road and park for a while. I could not see through my tears to drive safely. Once I regained my composure, I resumed my journey. I drove directly to a Christian bookstore in Scarborough. I did not pass GO. There was one copy of Bob Carlisle’s new CD waiting on the shelf for me. I bought it then completed my journey home, listening to the message of each song as I drove; especially to Bob’s heartfelt message in “Father’s Love.”

As I listened intently to its message, I was brutally convicted of my skewed priorities. I had invested too much time and energy in the serial pursuit of romantic relationships with women, whereas my primary responsibility and priority should have been the investment of most of that stolen (from her) time in my relationship with my daughter, Chantalle JuLena, pouring myself into her so that she could develop into the virtuous woman that Solomon described in Proverbs 31 in the Bible.

From that moment, I made an about face. I committed to straighten up and fly right.

Love and Loss at Christmas

Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are extremely happy and festive seasons of the year — unless you are facing an empty chair at the dinner table.

Please try to be aware that holidays, birthdays and anniversaries amplify the emotional and spiritual pain of those who have lost loved ones. Please try to be sensitive to their feelings; particularly during the holiday season. When they invite you into their pain, by speaking to you openly about their deceased loved one, please listen to them attentively. You should be honoured to know that they feel so comfortable in your presence that they trust you enough to let you into the inner sanctum of their heart.

Whether it has been two days, two weeks, two years or 20 years since the passing of his or her partner, husband, wife, mother, father, son, daughter … or their best friend and confidant, please be aware that their grief or pain, whether an occasional visitor or a constant companion, is very real. Festive occasions always remind them that their missing loved one will not be here to celebrate with them, bringing a fresh reminder of their loss and frequently increasing the intensity of their grief once again.

Never tell a grieving person that you know exactly how they feel. You don’t! Only God truly knows how they feel. He alone understands the extent of their pain and is aware of any secret regrets or remorse that perplexes them because of a hastily spoken word or because they squandered their last opportunity to say, "I'm sorry" or “I love you.”

Everyone grieves differently and traverses the stages of grief at their own unique pace.

When you love someone deeply and unconditionally and they reciprocate your love, respect you, appreciate you and take your deepest and darkest secrets to their grave (never once having betrayed your trust), their loss will be monumental. If this was the only living soul with whom you shared this level of emotional intimacy and transparency, their loss will be even more traumatic and felt acutely.

To those of you who are hurting during this festive time of year because you will never again see her beautiful and radiant smile or hear his deep, resonant voice in person or on the other end of a Facebook, FaceTime, Skype, WhatsApp or Zoom audio or video call, or better yet, in person, on this side of Heaven, rest assured that you will get through this difficult, stress filled and painful season of life’s journey — often one minute at a time.

You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You loved that special person (who will forever occupy a special and sacred place in your heart) so deeply and completely for one, five, 10, 25 years or more. How could you possibly recover completely from such a devastating loss in a few weeks or several months? You can only fill a little bit of the empty place left in your heart and soul by their departure by remembering the laughter, tears and experiences that you shared together.

Please try to find a way to honour their memory during the holidays.

Perhaps their wise counsel or their positive example can give you the oomph that you need, inspiring and encouraging you to press forward in this journey called life with them no longer by your side or just a phone call, text or email away. When you don’t feel like getting out of bed or eating, try to hear their voice in your head propelling you to put one foot in front of the other, giving you the will and the courage to continue to face the battle of life.

In time, I believe that you will find yourself crying less frequently, for shorter durations and less intensely. You will find yourself smiling and eventually laughing when you remember them. I don’t believe that the sting of death ever dissipates or disappears completely. However, one day, you should come to the place where your heart has healed to the point that you can fully embrace life again.

This does not happen by accident. It takes a lot of emotional energy, consistent effort, and frequently professional help (primarily counselling) too.

Try your best to stay positive, to take the best possible care of your health (sleep, rest, exercise, good nutrition). Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people and influences (such as quality, relaxing music and nature). When you can handle it, visit the special venues where you created memories together.

Please be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve and heal.

The Emotional Healing Process, part 1

How does your broken heart mend?

Slowly, especially at first, and consistently so long as your attitude and focus are right and your self-talk remains positive.

Photo credit: Adobe Stock Photos

Try your best to stay positive. Resist the natural inclination to entertain negative thoughts and ideas. Do not allow yourself to wallow in self-pity.

Analyze what went wrong. In what ways, if any, did you contribute to your current predicament?

Did you set clear boundaries early in the relationship and guard them?

Did you ignore obvious warning signs early on?

What could you have said or done differently that would have led to a different outcome? It is extremely important to take time to analyze what went wrong as well as what went right if your heart is broken because of a relationship. This will, if you learn the lessons that life has just taught you very painfully, enable you to avoid walking down this road again; at least not as far down this road or for as long.

If your heart is broken due to the death of a loved one, your healing process will be very different. Try your best to hold onto the positive memories of experiences and conversations that you shared together. However, you must be willing to let them go so that you can continue to live and so that your emotional and spiritual journey of healing can progress.

Photo credit: Adobe Stock Photos

Your attitude about life and your self-perception are critical elements that will determine the direction of your emotional journey; toward healing or toward self-destruction. Do you see yourself as less than … because one individual no longer values you? His or her appreciation or lack of appreciation of you should not destroy you. In fact, it cannot destroy you unless you allow it to.

If one individual exiting your life does destroy you, perhaps there are some deeper issues at play here. Perhaps you are carrying an inordinate amount of emotional baggage or have very low self-esteem as a result of childhood experiences or as a result of one or more previous failed relationships from which you had not sufficiently healed before entering your last relationship.

Positive self-talk is extremely important. It tells you how you should view yourself, regardless of how you may presently feel about yourself. If you remind yourself about your good qualities and how you should view yourself, it will eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your emotions will eventually catch up to your mind.

Positive self-talk must be positive, while remaining honest. Speak affirmative truths to yourself. Do not lie to yourself or become self-deceived.

Please do not permit yourself to have pity parties. Focusing inward is one of the worst things that you can do to yourself emotionally. This may sound counter intuitive. When you feel at your lowest ebb emotionally or spiritually is one of the best times to help someone else.

Photo credit: Adobe Stock Photos

Sometimes the best medicine that you can give yourself is to volunteer or to pour into someone else. You may become so focused on being a blessing to someone else that you forget about your own sorrow and worries for a moment or two.

What speeds up or slows down the process of emotional recovery?

Your hourly and daily choices in each of these areas speeds up or slows down the emotional healing process.

- your thought life

- your health habits: sleep, nutrition, exercise

- the company that you keep

Every moment of each day, you choose where you place and keep your thoughts. Inward, upward or outward.

Please don’t view yourself as a victim. That is to accept defeat. This can easily lead you to give up and to give into destructive thoughts, self-deprecating attitudes, destructive self-talk and destructive behaviours such as self-medicating or worse.

If you view your relationship as having failed (a verb) as opposed to viewing yourself as a failure (a noun), the direction of your emotional trajectory will be completely different.

Perhaps you should seek a counsellor or therapist.

Photo credit: Adobe Stock Photos

Proper rest, relaxation and recreation will help you immensely; especially exercise outside in the fresh air and walking near or swimming in water. The negative ions that water gives off are restorative for our nervous system. Ego-void, aerobic (cardio-respiratory) exercise causes our cells to release beta endorphins in our body. They boost our immune system and promote health and healing.

We also need the restorative benefits of sleep. It may be challenging to sleep at times, especially if our minds are rehearsing painful memories of the recent or distant past. A leisurely walk a couple hours before bedtime will help to promote sleep. So will herbal teas such as chamomile or the tryptophan in milk. Take some valerian or get an Ativan prescription from your doctor if you go several days with insufficient sleep.

Eating nutritious foods will help our bodies to repair at the cellular level whereas eating sugary and processed foods are damaging to our health. Eating refined sugar temporarily places a chemical straight jacket on our white blood cells, the captain of our immune response. Drinking refined sugar places a greater load on our systems, and does so at a faster rate.

Spend time with positive, upbeat people. Avoid negative and hyper-critical people like the plague. They will make you feel even worse.

Listening to quality music will help you to relax and unwind. Reading inspirational poems and anecdotes will help you to get or to stay positive. The section entitled “Overcoming Obstacles” is the first place that I turn when I read “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books.

Be gentle with yourself; especially when in this emotionally fragile state. Pamper yourself. Stay positive. Stay focused. Your best days are in front of you. In the future, looking back, you will realize this one day.

Self Care

Photo credit: Adobe Stock Photo

1. Do you value yourself enough to invest in yourself spiritually, emotionally, psychologically and physically -- including optimum nutrition and exercise daily?

2. Do you take at least a few seconds or a couple minutes multiple times during your workday to pause for a momentary rest?

3. Do you habitually drink sufficient water and get enough sleep every day?

4. Do you speak loving words of affirmation to yourself regularly?

If you answered “Yes” to each question, it is quite likely that you have made yourself your number one priority in life and are committed to your own self care.

Let me pause for a moment to respond to those individuals who believe that it is both selfish and wrong to make yourself your number one priority. Only when you invest in yourself daily and consistently take the best possible care of yourself will you have the spiritual wellbeing, emotional health and physical energy and stamina to minister to the needs of others without being completely spent or becoming ill, resentful or bitter.

Only after I have accepted God’s unconditional love and acceptance of me and His forgiveness of my confessed and forsaken sins and bad attitude can I truly love and accept me. When I love me, I can love you too.

Daily self care benefits me and enables me to be a blessing to my loved ones, friends, neighbours and co-workers.

Self care during the work day enables husbands and wives, mothers and fathers to come home with something left to give to each other and to their children at the end of the day.

What is the alternative?

Perhaps, dragging your tired carcass home then collapsing in a frazzled heap somewhere between your front door and your bed. You might have the energy to take your clothes off before you crash and burn.

At worst, coming home and venting your frustrations on your loved ones. They deserve better than this so please take time to love yourself during the workday so that you will be able to love and treasure them at the end of your workday.

Project Diversity: Disrupt the Norm

Kirthiga Rajanayagam, a fourth year Ryerson University fashion communication student who specialized in event management and public relations, was the mastermind behind the Project Diversity: Disrupt the Norm fashion show.

Kirthiga Rajanayagam

Her fashion show was unique in two ways. The models were men and women who actually look like real people; our mothers, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters. The first time that each model walked the runway, the audience heard a recording of the model's voice, expressing their own viewpoint about modelling or participating in Kirthiga's fashion show.

Question: Why are you concerned with disrupting the stereotype? Disrupting the norm?

Answer: I think that to move ahead in fashion or any other forum, you need to create change; especially in our city, Toronto, which is so multicultural and diverse. We don't see enough of it. Future generations will be looking at the precedence that has been set for so long. That's not the future. The future is encompassing all these different types of diversity and moving forward and showing that there's not just one standard that can be the ideal.

You don't have to look like that because no-one really does look like that. The mass consumer market doesn't even look like that. I think that it's about time that you showcase real people, encompassing these products in the media. Future generations are looking up to that and I wouldn't want to be in a generation where diversity wasn't the norm.

Question: Why do you think there is almost global buy-in to the air brushed, fantasy images that we see on magazines and TV?

Answer: It's the standard. Look at the cover of Vogue and other magazines. In their campaigns, they always try to achieve those looks. We think, "I want to look like that. I want to be that girl. I want to be that guy." There are these types of images in the media (and they are Photoshopped), but not everyone is aware of that. A lot of people think, "I can look like that. I just need to lose 50 pounds. I can look like that. I need to get a tan." They always look at these images and think, "That's what I'm supposed to look like," but that's not true.

Question: What would you say to those South Asian and Black women who are bleaching their skin?

Answer: I would tell them to stop. I believe that conforming yourself to something that you think is perfect or beautiful is, in actuality, going against how you truly are as a person. Why are you trying to conform yourself to somebody else when you look a hundred times better as you are? There's a reason why you are unique and you are your own individual. There are no two people who are alike and there's a reason for that because having more people look the same would be pretty boring. Women and men should encompass how they truly are as individuals. Whether their skin pigment is not as light or fair, I think that diversity and beauty truly can be encompassed no matter what shade your skin is.

More photos from the fashion show can be viewed online at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/howardruns/sets/72157642881850685