Christmas Heartache

The tears began to roll down Sylvia’s cheeks, even before she opened her eyes on Christmas morning. Last night, it took an unusually long time for her to fall asleep. Christmas Eve had been a magical evening for her and Jim for decades. It was one of the first family traditions that they established, as newlyweds.

Adobe Stock photo by Art_Photo

This was her first Christmas Eve without her belovèd Jimmy.

It was only after several uncomfortable months of sleeping on the couch, that she finally forced herself to begin sleeping on their matrimonial bed again, but never on Jim’s side.

Even when she woke up in the middle of the night, to use the bathroom, Sylvia still climbed out of the bed, on her side, even though Jim’s side was beside the ensuite bathroom in the master bedroom.

Death is such a cruel thief, but not nearly as despicable as Alzheimer's. The disease slowly stole Jim from her, changing his personality, almost imperceptibly at first. His communication devolved from flowery, enthusiastically expressed sentences, to short monotone phrases, which eventually gave way to grunts, nods and shaking his head.

Then one morning, Sylvia was met with a blank, vacant stare when she asked her hubby, if he wanted his coffee in bed or in the kitchen. Her heart sank.

She had periodically attended the Canadian Alzheimer’s Association’s online Zoom workshops during the pandemic.

https://alzheimer.ca

However, nothing could have prepared her for the moment when her husband of 42 years no longer recognized her.

Jim looked directly into her eyes, with the curiosity and innocence of a toddler, meeting a stranger for the very first time. It was heartbreaking.

During the next six to eight months, Jim occasionally recognized her, even calling her by name, on one occasion. These heartwarming moments were comforting — having a glimpse of the old Jimmy — even for a fleeting moment.

So many voices, Jim’s doctor, his personal support workers, concerned family members and friends had pleaded with her to put him in a home, for the sake of her mental, emotional and physical well-being.

Adobe Stock photo by SOMKID

Sylvia refused adamantly. She tuned them out for a very long time. To her, this felt like spousal neglect. She felt that the daily morning visits from the PSW was enough assistance.

“… in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Sylvia took her wedding vows very seriously.

She almost relented, when she was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. She paid to have a second support worker come each day, for an hour, in the early evening, to feed her precious Jim, get him ready for bed and read the newspaper headlines to him.

At this point, Sylvia had learned the hard way that caregiver’s burn-out is real. When the second PSW arrived each day, she dropped whatever she was doing and left the house for at least 30 minutes. This much needed break from the demands and responsibilities of caring for her helpless mate’s needs, gave her a few minutes to destress, relax and recharge. It helped to keep her calm and sane.

Two days before Jim’s 63rd birthday, death took him from her, completing the theft that Alzheimer’s had begun a decade earlier. It stole Jim’s mind and his personality. This villain took his breath.

They’d had so many dreams of how they would grow old together gracefully. They had planned to travel after he took early retirement on his 64th birthday, but it never came.

Instead, the money that they had saved, after sacrificing for so many years, went to pay for interventions to slow down the progress of the disease and for Jim’s home care.

Deprived of the love of her life, for Sylvia, the holiday season had forever lost its sparkle.

Working Creatively with Generation Z

Day two of the Master Guide recertification convention began with prayer, followed by singing “O Canada,” the national anthem.

 

The Master Guides then recited the organization’s Vision, Mission, Purpose, Pledge and Law together, before singing the Master Guide song.

 

Next, the praise team lead their fellow Master Guides in a powerful time of musical worship, culminated by singing the week-end event’s theme song, “God Will Make a Way.”

Theme Song: "God Will Make a Way"

 

Once a teacher, always a teacher. Former educator, Patricia Lopez, Children and Women’s Ministries Director, for the Ontario Conference of Seventh-day Adventists,

facilitated an interactive workshop, that kept everyone on the edge of their seats, while instructing them in the process.

Lopez’s high energy, enthusiastic, participatory presentation style demonstrated perfectly, the importance of, and how to implement “Creative Ministries and Evangelism," to retain the attention of the young people that they mentor and minister to.

 

Pastor Edwin Martin, Adventurers, Master Guides and Pathfinders Club Ministries Director, for the Ontario Conference lead the next workshop.

In “Understanding the Present Generation,” he described in detail,

the characteristics of Generation Z, leaning heavily on recent Barna research.

After lunch, Kevin Benta, the Ontario Conference’s Properties Management & Risk Management Director got everyone’s attention with a practical workshop on “Risk Management / Child Protection.”

He opened the Master Guides’ minds to the need to be proactive and vigilant in safeguarding the children

entrusted to them, as Adventurer and Pathfinder club leaders.

 

Dr. Anthony Reid, the Ontario Conference’s Stewardship Ministries Director, then facilitated a workshop on “Conflict Management & De-Escalation.”

 

He discussed how Master Guides can effectively manage conflict.

He also identified the reality that sometimes, conflict has to be managed, when it cannot be resolved.

 

During the day’s final presentation, Cherrie Anne James, the Ontario Conference’s Master Guide Council Executive Coordinator spoke about the Master Guide “Uniform Dress Code Policy”. Ms. James, along with Chester Lewis, the Ontario Pathfinder Executive Coordinator, responded to participants’ questions.

 

As always, the session ended with prayer.

United in Service

What brings a large group of adults out on a Friday evening, after work, from all over Southern Ontario, to attend a week-end workshop?

Love, commitment and service to young children, tweens and teens.

Adventurers and Pathfinders are the Seventh-day Adventist denomination's equivalent of Scouts and Girl Guides. Club directors and most staff members, who teach and mentor these young people have attained the highest level, Master Guides.

Every three years, they must be recertified. Today was the start of the first in person recertification convention since the COVID-19 pandemic.

God, the Holy Spirit, used a three-stroke human engine to reignite a spark, fan the flame and reenergize the hearts, minds and souls of all who were present, heretofore physically or emotionally drained after working all week.

Pastor Edwin Martin, ignited a spark, always pleasant and smiling, reminding the leaders of their God-given purpose, to serve, and laying out the week-end agenda.

Pastor Edwin Martin's Introductory Remarks

Then came the praise team. Wow!

Energized, radiant, leading congregational worship.

Their song selection touched every heart, mind and soul.

Praise & Worship

Next, Pastor Travis Afflick conducted an interactive workshop, Servant Leadership: Leading Like Jesus.”

This was his swan song. Pastor Afflick, the Ontario Conference Pathfinder Council’s chaplain, delivered his last official presentation, with the same enthusiasm, energy and excellence, as always.

Pastor Afflick set the tone for the week-end.

What’s So Good About Good Friday?

That is when Jesus’ substitutionary (for you and me) death opened a pathway for penitent sinners to be reconciled to God, without Him invalidating His own law.

Back in the garden of Eden, God told our first parents, Adam and Eve, not to eat the fruit from the “tree of the knowledge of good and evil and blessing and calamity”. Genesis 2:17 Amplified Bible Classic Edition.

The penalty of sin — disobedience to God — is death, which is eternal separation from God.

Now here was God‘s dilemma.

He loves us so much that He did not want to destroy any of us, even though we all of have disobeyed Him – sometimes deliberately and defiantly – rejecting God's authority, ignoring the Holy Spirit's voice, speaking quietly to our conscience, when we are tempted to do wrong. 

God, the Father, God, the Son and God, the Holy Spirit came up with a master plan to save repentant sinners, even before they created Adam and Eve. Ephesians 1:4-7

The penalty for sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. Romans 6:23

Jesus, the second Adam, lived a perfect life on earth, by depending on His Heavenly Father, in precisely the same manner that we can. His sinless life was accomplished solely by using the avenues that are available to each of us.

• Prayer
• Worship
• Bible study
• Meditating on spiritual themes
• Fasting
• Fellowship with other committed believers

Jesus was foreshadowed by the lambs, goats, cows and doves that ancient Jews once sacrificed daily to atone for their sins.

Each one of those offerings, where the physically perfect animal’s life was taken were like cheques, written on the bank of Heaven.

The sinless Jesus, Who willingly shed His blood for us, covered the cost of those millions of sacrificial withdrawals. Those offerings all symbolized Him.

Since Jesus did nothing worthy of death, His Father resurrected Him on Easter Sunday.

When we confess, repent then forsake our sins and accept His perfect sacrifice, He gives us eternal life.

For skeptics

If you believe that the historical Jesus and Christianity are myths, fairy tales or the “opiate of the masses”, let me refer you to the calendar.

Why is Friday, March 29, 2024 referred to as Good Friday?

Why is Sunday, March 31, 2024 referred to as Easter Sunday?

What is the significance of 2024?

Who was born 2,023 years ago? There is no year zero.

We have 2 BC, 1 BC, 1 AD then 2 AD.

BC = “Before Christ”

AD = “Anno Domini”, Latin for “in the year of our Lord”

If the dating system of our calendar plus one Friday and one Sunday each year (when Jesus was in the grave) bear the imprint of His life and death, is it that far-fetched to consider the theoretical possibility that God, the Son, came down to earth, lived, died and rose again to save you and me?

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Photos of the Good News Bible, published by the American Bible Society

Recovering from Emotional or Mental Exhaustion

The Downward Spiral

Nobody is immune or exempt from life’s challenges and trials. Leaders, including spiritual leaders sometimes get burned out or stressed to the point that they lose hope.

Fact no. 1: Leaders are people too. They, like the rest of humanity, are subject to the natural recurring emotional cycles of life on this side of Heaven (a never ending series of ups and downs).

Fact no. 2: Nobody gets out of life unscathed. Stress, trials, triumph and disaster will frequently meet all of us during our lifetimes.

Fact no. 3: Every person eventually faces a crisis or a situation in their life that overwhelms them (where you are no longer in control).

Fact no. 4: The promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13 are still true today. God measures your trials. He will never put more on you than you can bear with His help. He will not allow the dEVIL to overwhelm you with calamity, crisis or any set of circumstances that he (the evil one) custom engineers for you — so long as you depend on Him (your Heavenly Father) to enable you to ride out the storm.

Read Job chapters 1 and 2. God will enable you to endure and eventually grow, directly as the result of this almost overpowering crisis.

How much time or distance is there between losing hope and losing faith?

Not much, in my opinion.

A season of hopelessness will lead to despondency and despair. If allowed to run its course unchecked, it will eventually result in depression. In this negative emotional state, the mind will deteriorate, along with the desire and ability to continue fighting.

How far and how long does the mind detiorate before the body also begins to break down?

The gastro-intestinal system and the nervous system are probably the first two physiological casualties of longterm stress. Negative thinking leads to the increased production of stress hormones (catecholamines, cortisol, etc.) and excessive stomach acid. The longer you remain in this state, the greater and longer lasting will be the harm to your body.

The heightened physiological state triggered by negative stressors is meant to prepare your body for physical combat or a speedy escape. The endogenously produced chemicals, released into your bloodstream in response to the imminent threat that you face (or believe that you face) enable you to achieve greater physical exertion than you are normally capable of. In the absence of great physical exertion, these chemicals increase to toxic concentrations in your body and begin to harm you at a cellular, tissue and organ level.

Chronic, poorly managed stress damages the body. There is also a significant negative impact on one’s emotional, mental and spiritual well being, in addition to the injury to your body.

Sleep either becomes a stranger or your lover. Similarly, food becomes either an enemy or a constant, intimate companion, a caloric source of comfort.

If the downward spiral continues long enough, it may eventually cost you friendships, relationships and even employment, in addition to further damage to your health.

The emotional cloud that surrounds you during this dark season, combined with any or all of the following additional physiological conditions further amplify and accelerate the downward spiritual, emotional and physiological spiral that has already begun.

• chronic low blood sugar due to a loss of appetite.
• severe dehydration for those with a very low fluid intake.
• poor concentration and significantly diminished cognitive function for those who have difficulties sleeping.

Only those who have walked, crawled and wallowed in the valley of despair understand how this debilitating, oppressive, ever present, uncomfortable darkness can become your intimate companion. Those who live or have lived with a family member, close friend or a spouse who has languished beneath this emotional cloud for an extended period of time have some understanding of this plight.

Those tender, gentle, loving, compassionate and caring souls to whom are entrusted patients who are battling emotional demons or who have given up (ceased fighting) are familiar with the emotional, psychological, physiological, psychosocial and relationship breakdown that results when one falls down this rabbit hole or is dragged down by a sequence of unfortunate circumstances.

How do you get up?

How do you get out?

How do you turn your life around?

Once you have sunk or been ground down to this spiritual, emotional and mental dark place — to the point where it takes an enormous exercise of will power to get out of bed or to take  a shower, is it possible to climb out without external assistance?

In most cases, I believe that the answer is no. Once you sink this deep in despair, someone else, or maybe even the gentle physical nudging of a loyal pet, is required to start you on the road to recovery.

A Good Woman Will Transform a Prince into a King — or USA President

 A good woman will increase and enhance your happiness.

A good and godly woman will be a catalyst, whereby the Holy Spirit brings both of you greater joy!

A good woman will make you feel better about yourself.

A good and godly woman will make you look so good that you barely recognize yourself!

A good woman will be a key determinant and vital contributor to your (plural) career development and socio-economical impact and growth.

A good and godly woman will take the raw materials of an astute, quick thinking, good looking, slow talking summer associate at the law firm where she practiced law, and transform him into the president of the most powerful nation on earth.

Michelle Obama, thank you so very much for introducing planet earth to Barack. Oopsie [We’re not on a first name basis].

Thank you for transforming him into my president, Barack Hussein Obama II.

Now that’s what I call some serious mentoring!!!

Written on June 16, 2019

Tweaked slightly on July 23, 2023

Embracing Life Fully After Death Robs You of a Loved One

Grief resulting from the death of a loved one, never leaves you entirely — even after emotional, psychological and spiritual healing occurs. The journey of recovery will never end on this side of Heaven.

When you suffer a deep cut, that partially severs a muscle, the healing and recovery process requires significantly more than a band-aid — a surface level solution.

It requires proper wound care, optimum nutrition and rehabilitation — doing specific stretches and strengthening exercises that are designed to correct range of motion joint limitations and weakness of the injured and damaged muscle tissues, in order to make a complete functional recovery.

Similarly, after grief knocks at your heart’s door, you must bravely

• Face your loss.
• Find coping strategies during the short term.
• Do the hard work

in order to become a healthy individual once again. This frequently requires counselling or joining a self help group, as you move through the stages of grief.

When children face early trauma, they have an even more difficult road back to wholeness, because they have not lived long enough or had the life experiences needed to develop the coping strategies and resilience necessary to recover from this type of trauma.

When you lose someone that you love dearly, in a very real sense, part of you is forever buried with them, in their grave. The greatest challenge that you may face, during this season of life, is to resurrect the will to live again.